I see a pattern

 I’m seeing a pattern now that I have been using this space to journal. Those emotions have crept back up and its gnawing at me again. Seems like a yearly thing. And I think I know why. 

Facebook memories. 

Had an old album come into circulation again. It was good times. But also very akward to see it now again because of how we have changed since then. But I guess it acts as a trigger. A small reminder of what was. And all the things I know of then, every intricate detail. Leading up to all the other stuff since past and shld be dead. But the doubt always lingers.

Some ppl prefer not to know stuff. I’m the opposite though. And I know alot. Because I always seek it. With what I know, I would like to believe I am ok and not be bothered by it. 

The usual me would. Unfortunately, I think a small part of me is still insecure, unsure of myself. Always thinking I am not enough. Constantly doubting if I match up. Always thinking I am the consolation prize. And he comes round the block every now and then.

This feeling sucks. I asked a friend what I should do. They strongly suggested deleting all the pics. Even though it was a good time captured, the whispers it carries with them is not. And it can do more harm than good. 

“BEGONE FOUL SPIRIT” - chaotic good barbarian. 

So yeah. Thats what I’ll do for now. 

And journal more probably.