I’m not sure what came over me this morning but in my mind I just had this urge to do something, anything. And i poured as much as I could into doing housework. Because i felt i had let you down and not met your expectations somewhere and wanted to desperately make up for it.
Did the feeling start from getting rejected? Yes. But i don’t know. It’s not the first time you said no. Usually i’ll be ok. Not sure why lately its been hitting me differently. And i needed to vent it somehow. Or manage it. But with that said, whatever i was trying to do wasnt enough.
I then just started eating. And eating. And just kept finding things to eat till it started to get very uncomfortable. Then i headed to work. And i kept going faster. And faster. I started weaving through traffic. But why? I dont know. I just needed something to dull whatever feeling it was in me.
Got to work. Ate somemore till it was too much. Couldnt do anything else so i napped. Woke up feeling better.
Why am i feeling this way?
“Feelings are not a problem. They are an indication.”
But of what? Whats troubling me?
I just want to be normal again.
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