Digging for skeletons

Darling, I am sorry. 

Sorry for making you worry for me. Sorry for making you worry about us.

I want you to know that I am fine now.

I feel the past few days have brought us closer and given us a better understanding of each other and our needs. I personally have felt the heavy weight in my chest go away the more we talked, the more I looked at all the small things you have always done for me, and how you have always chosen me in spite of everything. I guess I was so caught up in my feelings that I lost sight of all of these.

I love you. 

I want to grow old with you fighting over how we do chores.

I want to sleep in the same bed as you where you try to (unsuccessfully) push me over when I snore, or sayang me when I cough.

I want to "watch" shows with you, where you load things I myself would not have chosen and yet get just as invested as you as it progresses. 

You are my love. And I am your husband. Huggies. 

Anyways to the point of the title.

We mentioned this yesterday while we were talking. I think essentially it was something like "what were you expecting digging up skeletons". While that is a fair comment, I think I need to make some things clear. 

I am not upset about your past, especially for the times when I wasn't in your life yet. You have shared with me all of your pasts. I have seen things from your past. While I admit that some of these things did weird me out abit, it is not because I know you did this, or said that, or considered something and so on. It is more like some of these things are way out of my norm. I dont feel insecure in this regard, because ultimately I chose you and you chose me and thats why we are here.

What I am upset about is that there was a history where I was involved and I was oblivious to all of it. Thats the part that hurt me the most. Because when I read it, it felt like I could have lost all that mattered to me at that point and I had no idea. And the more I read, the more I felt that alot of the issues could have been helped if I had been made to know so I could work on it. But I wasn't given the chance. 

I know you will say "but it was a me thing". that doesn't mean you have to go through it alone. I am here and I want to help. Let me help ok? Don't let me become the clueless husband that doesn't know anything until it is too late.

Back to now, I want to stress again that I am fine. I have been made fine. If anything, I cherish you even more because I now have a deeper understanding of what you had been going through. Any lesser person would not have pulled through the way you did. You recognised the issue and took the steps you knew you needed to get out. I also recognise that this is an ongoing issue that we will just have to deal as it comes. And I am willing to be here to go through it with you. 

With lots of love,

Farhan