Letter to Emily, 22 October 2007.

Emily,

These will be my final words to you. I pray that you will listen to these words, and not block them out. If I am not heard now, I will never be heard from again.

I am truly sorry for what had happened the day before. There is no excuse for my behaviour. It is so tempting for me to blame the total lack of sleep I had, the lack of food, the lack of money, over a hundred and one reasons. But what matters is that I did what I did. And it was bad. Very bad. I am truly sorry. And I will have to live with its repercussions.

To say that I was unprepared for this moment is pure rubbish. I knew it was coming. And I knew it would be me to burn and die. But I was hoping beyond hope that it wouldn’t be this way, that I would be the one happy with you. But dreams are just that. Dreams. Fantasy. I was in denial. And it all came crashing down on me when it came out of your mouth. I smashed everything we had. Flung them against the wall. Stomped on them. Anything and everything I could do. I let the anger control me. And now its all gone. Every single thing I had of you.

I wont deny this. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I have just lost the very thing that I had really wanted all this while. And worst of all, I had disappointed her. But at the same time, I know that it is for the better. And I’ve known it all along. Just that I had refused to give in to it.

My friends have been screaming at me to let it go for the longest time. Even more after the whole miss I event. They felt I was being pushed around at the whim of a girl who couldn’t make up her mind. And honestly I felt that way too. But I thought that I would do anything for this girl, the girl who I chose to give my heart too. I believed I was strong enough to bear it all for her. But I wasn’t.

Impatience took over. And not just that. Jealousy and hatred too. And soon it was back to the normal nonsense I had once given her. The nonsense that had pushed her away. I was back to square one.

Well, its now over. There’s nothing left to be done, nothing left to be said. Its over between us. Give your hundred percent to your pseudo boyfriend till you break up. And may you find the perfect man then.

Goodbye Emily. I love you. And, for the sake of my heart, I NEVER want to see you again.

Love,

Farhan