good old me

reading back on some of the things i wrote to Emily while we were together,
i've come to realise i really have changed quite abit.

the farhan that wrote those emails, letters and msgs back then had this certain wit and sweetness to it. like he really really cared about wat he said, composing his feelings and writing it all down in a light hearted yet sincere way that was enjoyable to read.

but now when i look at myself, it seems like that farhan has been buried beneath this new person who places lots and lots of energy behind actions rather than thought. words come out almost in an unrefined manner, its original wit almost gone. the lightheartedness has been replaced with "emo" and overdramatisation. this new farhan feels like a piece of skin, which is hard and rough while the old one was soft and gentle.

but maybe, the old farhan hasnt been replaced by the new farhan. just like a callus, the new farhan could possibly just be the outer protection for the old farhan inside, who still burns and glows with those hazel brown eyes, full of hope and idealism.
the new farhan is the protection formed after being hurt, to save wat was left of the old farhan.

but its a double edged sword. as the protection grows, and the new farhan gets a hold, the old one is slowly covered in the thick thick layers of protection. and eventually, I will be lost...

i think its time for me to start opening up.