this it too much

oh god.
someone pls help me get the FUCK out of this bloody hole of depression.
as much as i know on my own what i need to do and what i'm feeling is all a fabricated exageration of my own doings, its close to impossible not to ignore them.

yeah sure, do things! keep yourself busy! stay around people!
as if i havent. everyone around me is blody attached/attaching.
and how is that suppose to help me where everything i do simply screams in my face 'your bloody alone. you're fucked up. you suck. go and die already.'

but relax dear reader. i'm not going to kill myself.
wish i could train everyday to take my mind of things. but i cant because i'm onli bloody normal. i need elite genes to have enhanced recovery like the pros.
or i could take steroids. hmmm...

edit:
i've cooled down already. damn. why do i get worked up over nothing? something in me must really feel unresolved to keep flaring up like this.